Constant Craving

After many days of silence, I was confronted with the million dollar question that I knew for some time was going to drop on my head. "So what was that all about", she asked. And I feigned ignorance. Which wasn't a very pragmatic thing to do since she persisted with her interrogation. So I treated the matter at hand very lightly indeed, pretending to make a little deal out of it.

The conversation went something along the lines of:

AL:
So now that you're completely sober, what was that day all about?

Me:
Eh? Oh yes, I screwed me knee up pretty badly.

AL:
Not that you idiot.

Me:
Then what?

AL:
Think harder.

Me:
Hmmm. Oh you mean me kissing you?


HAHAHAHA. Asian society. Asian lasses.

And so entailed a long stuffy conversation about her not going around with just any Tom Dick or Harry.

Pooh.

That very night (yesterday), and I swear this happened, I received another request for the green stuff.

Holy shit.

-Jake

The green stuff we're not made of.

So I found it quite surprising when a long lost acquaintance dropped an online greeting my way. And by god, what changes had occured. So what the hell, I thought I'd give anything a shot, even after many dreadful signs that pointed to the fact that the specimen in question was indeed an AL.

What a disappointment it turned out to be, the only thing that redeemed the whole situation was the base upon which we settled. Which was quite pleasant really. What sucked donkey ass and ruined it all was the fact that I was repeatedly flicked off like a light switch every time the AL tried hopefully to procure some dough from my vacant piggy bank.

It did not end there. The worst omen in my entire life up till now happened. My knee popped out of its socket and got disjointed. God bless me, carted down the stairs and out of the house and straight into an ambulance. Not the most glamorous way to go, I can tell you that.

But however painful it was, it cannot beat the utter tragedy of having someone who thinks you're loaded like a gun to the extent of being a sugar daddy, trying repeatedly to tap into your treasure trove.

I must admit it makes the pleasantness of fleshly desires evaporate as swiftly as a candle is extinguished. Poof and the flame is gone. Just like that. Shame really.

And we continue to ponder why it is we cannot meet two decent lovely ladies without a pickaxe in their pantyhose.

- Jake

Puddle O' Muddle

"Miners" seem to flock to me like plague even though I do not possess any gold or let alone the mine. Being a bachelor boy seems exclusively attractive because of such mentalities. I must admit that I am partly to blame for unknowingly flaunting. Frankly, I'm really not used to it. The environment I used to inhabit in was oblivious to such issues and a speedy or mont blanc was no big deal, neither did it implicate that you are fed with a silver spoon.

They say that there are firsts for everything in life. How true. After a series of unfortunate events in school for day, I was wondering why a bunch of rowdy girls were using profanities and giggling at the same time. Then I realised how I massacred myself socially for 30 seconds - for the first time in my life, my fly was down. I was so caught up on the cell with Jake regarding my gold-digging theories that I hadn't noticed.

Reading, in my opinion, is an excellent form of mind-numbing escapism. I find myself absorbed into a different dimension of time, which I hate to admit, is sometimes more appealing than the period I dwell in. I'm kinda aware of what most books have in store for me, but I must say that I am clueless as to what lies ahead in the remaining of year 2008. But one thing's for sure, I've had my hands full with "miners", poker faces and disregarding Bugis Street peeps.

- Andrew

Monday Blues

Some people get it.
I don't. Not today anyways.

And as Andrew so poignantly described, our auntie roadtrip was a real eye opener. :D

Friggin' tour guide. I distinctly remember her almost last words were "Man man xia che orh, bu yao tai jing zhang ken wo shuo byebye orh" which translates loosely into "Get down slowly orh, don't be too excited to say byebye to me orh" Don't know why they cannot help orh-ing at the end of every sentence. Jeeezus.

Okaaay it's time to do some work now. :(

to see you smile again

- Jake

Saccharine Tidbits Anyone?

I'm finally back from my hiatus - more accurately speaking, I was down with the flu bug for almost a week. I have never stumbled upon a more "auntie" experience than the one I had today on my day trip to some island in Johor. Thank god for Nicholas Sparks and the psp, I have been able to resist succumbing to pure irritation from the ever friendly tour guide who blabbers in the crudest hokkien cum chinese ever. Unfortunately, Jake was perpetually annoyed because the booming voice of the tour guide was too much for his ipod earphones to handle.

I reckon that we literally laughed out so loud that she must have sensed the possibility of her presence and demeanor being the subject of our inside jokes. You see, this extremely interesting personality was my form of television entertainment for most of the journey in the coach. She is extremely exuberant when it comes to the topic of otah, never failing to describe it in an orgasmic manner. Then, she gives her patrons her two cents worth of Aushwaylia - go figure out what that is, it's pretty easy, no prizes though. And lastly, she radically switches at the spilt second from tour guide lady to a preschool teacher, constantly referring to the kids at the back as "little friends", or to be more specific, xiao peng you. As she took the orders of everyone on the bus for some local otah, maybe except the xiao peng you(s), she totally skipped us as if we were under Harry Potter's invisiblity cloak. I'm guessing that the undeniably audible laughter was the culprit.

I honestly do not mock this wonderful tour guide or think negatively of her, its just that her demeanor and articulation tickles my funny bone. That said, back to the topic of the old ladies that we encountered today.

It's funny how Jake was mentioning that this particular old lady whom I helped to carry her heavy bag of salted fish and fruit, would gladly pay 50 Malaysian dollars for a piece of fake jade, but wraps up a piece of leftover dry chicken from the dinner plate to cook porridge for her grandkids. This same old lady amused me earlier by exclaiming very loudly when the skies were pouring how she was only going to go down the coach and "have a look" at the local delicacy store - she was adamant about refraining from making any purchases but before I could read the next chapter of my book, she came up with the most bags.

After such an enriching experience, I can only conclude that without these old ladies, there is a possibility that households might just starve like Oliver Twist.

School was relatively dreadful this week and I hope the second week does not include me staring blankly out of the windows for two hours straight - cos that seriously screws with the mind and sanity of someone who isn't exactly an introvert. So slap me with more assignments or something; anything beats making imaginary friends with the birds outside.

- Andrew

"Because he smiled at me twice."

HAHA.

What a day it's been. Tiring day at work, didn't even get to eat lunch. LOL. And dear drew was being a drama mama at the gym. (And after gym too) Go ask him if you wanna know why.

I'm glad I have heaps of things to do. Makes me so drained by the end of the day that I fall asleep soon after my head hits the pillow.

No time for my mind to wander. But I do wake up in the middle of the night sometimes.

Weird as.

Anyhow, bedtime.

-Jake

genting x 2

Realized we went a while back but never really put the pictures up. So here goes. Just a couple of the nice ones. And it's about time to get cracking on the poopy video.

:D

I love the weather and scenery there. It's fucking awesome.

Beautiful sunrise outside the window.

Theme Park day!
This one was "Hump With the Snakes"HAHA and I just had to take this picture of Drew when he got stuck in the ride because the safety bar wouldn't release.


Taken while on the coaster.


After the viking ship. Puking would be more adept.

Inside joke.

HAHA, it was good fun except I got sick on the bus with a really bad sore throat which dampened a little holiday spirit. Ah well. :D

CRAZY TIMES. Poop video in progress. Will upload it soon!

- Jake

Nostalgia.

The night is a lovely thing really. The troubles and toils of day fade away to be replaced by a silent still darkness.

Some people hate the night. The darkness frightens them. I was too when I was little, I had the habit of charging up the dimly lit staircase at home to grab a piece of homework from my room then dashing madly downstairs, afraid to look back. Afraid to see something I didn't want to.

The sense of panic a kid feels when he thinks something eerie is looming behind him cannot be comprehended. Your heart starts pounding furiously and you run as fast as your little legs can carry you.

Ah being afraid of the dark - that reminds me of the good ol' days.

When all you had to worry about was how to convince mom and dad to buy you that new RC car and the price of sweets.

Or whether the bogey man would come and get you at midnight.

Things were much less complex then.

When friends fought and made up instantly, when love was simplistic and selfless.

When smiles and tears were powered by the innocence of youth.

When we were young.

- Jake

24.647563264238% Rant-Free

With reference to Jake's previous post, I guess old habits die hard. Maybe I was some goth kid or psychopathic introvert in my past life huh.

Anyway, school's starting in a bit and I used to enjoy the back-to-school thought until I realised that I would be seperated from my class. You see, I was never a math whiz and therefore I flunked my 2 math-based modules. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it to college the last time with such abysmal results. I bet the YJC old maid must be mocking me with disdain if she knew.

I imagine my school board to be anal sticks in the mud. I opted for French, then followed by German, Japanese and some international cross-cultural ballocks for my year 2 elective modules. And as you would guess as much, they gave me my last option. It's really annoying when the reason was due to acadamic incompetency based on GPA, as I would bluntly put it. This is the issue with Singaporean education - everything is based on paper and statistics. No wonder the arts sector here is "thriving" and "vibrant". Putain de merde!! >8(

-Andrew

Shallow Intentions

HAHA and you said you weren't going to be emo. Chin up brother, many tadpoles in the longkang.
Go easy on yourself alright?

Anyhow we saw a suspicious article on the train just now. Fucking funny lah, it was just sitting there. And like a public turd, many an auntie couldn't stop gawking at it.

Here's a picture.

Weird as. Maybe there's a chopped up girl in there or something. That'd be wicked. :D

My body's aching after a long shoulders session at the gym. And my wrists hurt like hell. Damn, my body's falling to bits. Need to get those wrist straps!

Alright that's it for now, if you haven't noticed already, Drew and I differ greatly when it comes to posting. I, with an extremely short attention span, can only blog for so long. Ah dunno how you do it bruv. I shall attempt it. Some day.

- Jake

Letter #22

Dear you,

I inevitably thought of you again when I entered your educational abode to help my friend with her college application. I must have been high on magic mushrooms because I felt your presence throughout the whole time I was there. Posting this is definitely hazardous to me, but knowing myself, I like to jump into pits of hellfire. Credits to you, I have become the greatest actor and my latest squeeze is to delude myself that I am sitting on a patch of greener grass. But part of me believes and would like to think that you are, in fact, having a rosy time and better off. Cos you'd better be, or I would be disappointed that we wasted our youth without you finding your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Remember Jiro? You'd be surprised to know that he has suffered a similar fate. He and I lead extremely parallel lives except for the fact that I'm a no brainer when it comes to musical instruments. I guess when you are young and foolish you end up making decisions and plans that don't last, even though they did seem to be kind of eternal back then. I cleared the jungle the other day and kept everything away in this big red bag. It's amazing how a part of me died away with the broken pages as I closed the book of memoirs. Time stood still during those days of yore. I only wished that I hadn't gone to stupid clubs or played aimless computer games when I could have spent more time doing what I was supposed to do. I am not regretful, you are the epitome of eveything I have been looking for and I'm only sorry that I didn't tell you this when I should have. I am going to stop here before I start sounding like some suicidal emo song writer. So wherever you are, you'd best be having a ball of time or I would be really cross with you.

Love,
Andrew

Pop goes the cherry

HAHA OK SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A FVCKING PROCRASTINATOR, I CREATED THE BLOG. LOL

can't wait to go to the gym later. fuck it's gonna pour big time bruv.

anyhow, change the template and shit will ya? I n00b.



-Jake

I Saw You On Animal Planet

I was expecting some sort of a cheery welcome post but I should have known my fiesty friend better. I crashed at Julius's last night and experienced his very own miniature zoo. He was trying to feed his albino milk snake with this petrified-looking mouse - and had the ssssnake not been in an imnothungrynow state, I would have experienced my first real life national geographic Predator and Prey Night. I know, what a bummer, considering the fact that I'm not a huge fan of carnivorous, mice-binding ssssnakes. Oh and did you know that rats had the largest balls in the rodent category? When I saw obese albino rat Eric Cartman clean himself, I swear I thought it was his butt. Of course, Julius revealed the truth about the baboon backside and I was pretty surprised.


The Euro Cup is approaching again and this means betting time for me. I'm gonna bet till my wallet weeps blood and if I do win enough moolah, no, I mean WHEN I WIN, I'm gonna use that to buy the Holland bunny. Here's a rough idea of my much anticipated Holland Lop. Of course that's not him, it's probably his long lost geezer Grandpa Buns cos he's not so old and fat.

Reasons to buy the Holland Bunny:
- I swear there was some chemistry between us that fateful day at the pet shop
- He wasn't bred locally, so I will actually have a prospective "family member" who has lived in the Land of Drugs, Strip Clubs and Windmills
- He has perfectly drooping ears, which many bunnies are inferior of
- He is potty trained. (They sell wabbit potties at the pet shop)
- My man's best friend Rocky could use a buddy, that's if he doesnt have my prospective bunny for rabbit stew instead

Reasons not to buy the Holland Bunny:
- My folks will flip and I might end up a vagabond on the streets while the bunny and Rocky get to share my bed

DAMN

I watched Step Up 2 the other day and I really abhor Hollywood producers who make asians in the movies speak like half-brained dimwits who suffer from verbal diahorrhea. Okay, given that it is occasionally funny, but it seems that almost every asian actor in an american production was made to converse in a William-Hung manner. Take Juno for example. Remember that chinese girl who was protesting outside some child adoption center? She was another victim of producers who lacked creativity and zest. The last thing I aim to do is to become an aspiring revolutionary activist for asians but that whole ridiculous "I no spic ing-leesh but I love Emelikah" has got to stop. It's getting overrated.

-Andrew